I think that everyone has felt overwhelmed. Whether it be with work, school , family , illness, or just life in general. I find myself overwhelmed at times. Going to therapy and basically reprogramming my brain, sometimes head spins. I find myself holding onto the past. Things that have happened years ago. Things that have left a big gash in my heart; in my soul. I'm certain that that's where my anxiety stems from. In my heart, the hurt and pain that others have caused in my life; the pain I've caused to others that I've loved. Everyone deals with emotions differently. Some people choose not to feel or deal with any emotions that they may feel. I was one of those people. I would constantly keep myself busy; school, work , basketball, rugby, track, running, church. I literally never sat down. A lot of people noticed that in me. For the first time I see that too. At the time running from my emotions , and constantly being angry was how I lived. Fast forward to now.... After falling in love it really made a part of me open up. A part I didn't even know existed. Now for the first time in 19 years I am CHOOSING to feel, I am CHOOSING to learn how to love myself, I AM CHOOSING to look at myself and see the good the bad and the ugly; to look at my life and do the same. In hopes that deep down lies Jeannie. The Jeannie that God intended for me to be. I haven't been writing on my blog for awhile (shocker) haha. The reason being is I've been feeling pretty blue. Have you ever felt like you were doing so good with your anxiety, depression, or PTSD and you kinda just hit a low point again ? I had a low point. I was being very negative looking at everything that I'm not doing, everything that I could be doing better. My mind constantly working. Thinking, thinking, and more thinking. Then I came across this......
Sometimes it's important for us all to remember that it's okay to feel overwhelmed. Try to take a step back and breath... I've gotten comments on health unlocked asking why can't I just post on the site. Here's the answer... This is what I do when I feel overwhelmed I write, I share my story in hopes that someone out there is going through the same thing and that by me writing even the smallest thing helped them. I was hesitant about sharing what else was making me feel down but I feel that I need too. So here it is..... a couple of days ago my sister and I go into an argument. The previous week I had my niece staying with me. I had caught my niece doing something that wasn't right. I talked with her about it. Sharing my experiences with her. A couple of days after my I talked with my sister about what I had seen and I told her I promised my niece that I wouldn't say anything. My sister got upset with me and instead of talking with me about it, she decided to tell my niece and nephew that they were never allowed to see me or talk to me again. I called her when I had heard what she had been saying. She lied at first and then we ended up screaming at one another. This part of the story isn't the imprtant part what's happened next is. Let me first clarify saying that my sister is going through personal things. My niece confide in me and I kept my promise. Whether my sister liked it or not. My niece was not in danger and she was not hurting herself so I did not feel the need to tell my sister (my sister has told me in the past that me doing so was okay)..... ANYWAY I texted my sister basically saying that she was being like our mom and putting men in front of her children and she; let me put it this way acted like a girl in high school She proceeded to text me things like " Your are just like your dad." " I'm so happy you aren't in my life I just need MY REAL siblings...... You have a good relationship with yours ( oh wait you don't have any) ..... Even making comments about my weight. Honestly the comments about my weight and not having a relationship with her and my eldest brother don't hurt. Like I have said in my previous blog to them I have ALWAYS been Paul's' daughter..... I'm not going to lie it hurt having someone that is supposed to be my sister go and say that I'm not her sister and she's happy about that. If I'm being honest the only thing that really hurts is the fact that in my heart I already knew for YEARS that she had felt this way. It hurt that people that are supposed to be my family don't really give a shit. But you know what I'm going to be just fine. For so long I have felt alone and If she would've said these things to me let's say 4 Months ago I'm sure I'd be angry and WWAAAAYYY more hurt. BUT this Jeannie now sees though that. I Know that when people put others down it's because that's how they feel about themselves inside. By her intentionally trying to hurt me it tells me that underneath it all she's hurting. AND YOU KNOW WHAT I still love my siblings whether they consider me family or not. BUT NO LONGER will I let them hurt me, or STEP on me or PUSH me to the side. I will now stand tall and take the negative comments because you know what .... I'm still standing and I know I'm beautiful. My exterior does not define who I am INSIDE.... I love me and nothing and no one will ever make me believe differently again. BUT that was why I was sad. NOW after writing about it I feel WAY better. If any of you have experienced the same thing remember I'm always here to talk. And to those of you that have reached out already lets continue to talk and grow together!
P.S I've been thinking about doing some video journals (vlogging)...... I would be filming things like my daily life and I would even be willing to film myself during a kitty to show you how I deal with them . Let me know If you have any suggestions !!
xoxo
Jeannie :)
Hope that I wasn't too all over the place! lol
P.S I've been thinking about doing some video journals (vlogging)...... I would be filming things like my daily life and I would even be willing to film myself during a kitty to show you how I deal with them . Let me know If you have any suggestions !!
xoxo
Jeannie :)
Hope that I wasn't too all over the place! lol