There are many times in my life that I can think back to and remember being scared. I remember as a child seeing my dad hit my mom. I remember my mom trying to commit suicide in front of me. I can remember my dad yelling in my face, and smashing all of my belongings. I can remember the feeling I had when I was put into foster care for the first time. I can remember my first kitty. I can remember being held down and taken advantage of at a very young age. I remember so many experiences that I have made me so scared. Nothing compares to the feeling of hopelessness I sometimes get when dealing with my kitties on a daily basis. Nothing. But today made me see things differently. This time last year I was SO SICK! I had an ulcer from all of my kitties and I had thee WORST migraines I've ever had in my life! I remember going to my boyfriends parents and not being able to stay for more than 30 min because of the pain I felt. As I sat and watched the fireworks tonight it brought me back to last year and everything that I had gone through. It really made me start to think. In life we all experience pain in some way or another. Last year I really didn't know what was going to happen to me. I had VERY bad tunnel vision. Today helped me remember what a tough son of a bitch I am. The things that I listed that I remember are just SOME things that I have been through. I lived through so much fear, pain, and sadness for so long. Now that I'm on my own it's up to me to change that. I'll admit there are days where I feel like I don't want anything to do with the outside world. lol I think that we all have those kinds of days. But as I was saying as I sat there watching the fireworks. I became very motivated. I told myself "you know Jeannie, you have been through hell and even though you have kitties you ARE brave enough to overcome them." God has blessed me with such great strength to overcome such hardships in my life. He has given me something that I've always admired in others. Maybe everything that I went through was to prepare me for this. To truly show me that in life we have to learn to live everyday with a smile on our face and strive for success. We will all experience pain in this life. What matters is how we use that pain . I can't tell you right now that i'm not scared of my kitties. I cant tell you that i'm not scared of other things. lol But I can tell you this I will no longer be living life where my kitties are controlling me. I ACCEPT my kitties. I don't know how long I'll continue to have them. . I will no longer count the days that I do and the days that I don't. I make this promise to myself. I am going to try hard EVERY SINGLE DAY to push myself outside of what I'm comfortable. It'll be painful but then again I've felt pain before. I think in order for me to be able to overcome this I am going to have to rely on that inner strength that God has blessed me with, and trust in him. After all He will never put anything in our paths that we can't overcome. I plan on taking it day by day. I plan on writing on her more frequently. lol I'm sorry that I've been MIA. Sometimes you have to go nomad in order to learn new things. Something I want all of you to know is to never stop fighting. Kitties and depression can really bring you down. They can control your life (only if you let them). They begin to feel like the center of your world. For me anyway that's how I feel at times. It's okay to have those days. But something to always remember YOU are meant for so much more than living a life of fear. I'm not sure who reads my blog. BUT if your reading this comment below something that you accomplished today whatever it is ! I'll go first ..... I was around a large group of people today ! AND NO KITTY !!!!!! What about you ?
Well my blog post was everywhere again haha but THANK YOU to everyone that takes the time to read it ! and if you have anything you want to talk about or anything you would want to know more about when it comes to me or my life. Just ask. I'm an open book. I hope that I may have said something to help you feel at peace. I love you guys ! We are all in this together!!! <3
XOXO
- Jeannie :)
Well my blog post was everywhere again haha but THANK YOU to everyone that takes the time to read it ! and if you have anything you want to talk about or anything you would want to know more about when it comes to me or my life. Just ask. I'm an open book. I hope that I may have said something to help you feel at peace. I love you guys ! We are all in this together!!! <3
XOXO
- Jeannie :)
In other news I am now OFFICIALLY 19 ! :)